Reflections on the Stargazer
by Greenzaku
Summary: This is my first fic, I normally do nonfiction so the style is probably rather unusual for this site. As the title suggests, this is a serious Stargazer fic. Sol's perspective.It assumes character death, hence the rating.


Well here goes my first fanfic, and I'd be happy to read comments on how it's turned out. I guess it's a bit different, but then at this point in writing I don't see many other Stargazer fics out there and I normally prefer writing non-fiction. At this point in writing, I also realise with consternation that this site lacks the whole Stargazer cast in the Char1 and Char2 selections, so if you managed to find this story once its off the first the few pages, go you ;)!

I don't own Gundam Seed or Stargazer. This is a one-off, and here goes:

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Where once there was nothing, there was light. Like a pale ghost among the stars, the lone figure drifted surrounded by its glowing halo. Large by human standards, it was nothing more than a minuscule speck of matter in the midst of what might well be an eternally expanding universe; the nature of which was still being debated hotly by quantum astrophysicists in the faraway ivory towers of their profession. But for the Stargazer and its lone passenger – Sol found it almost sacrilegious to consider himself its pilot, this was a distant matter. For now, it was just him, the Gundam, and the solitude he found nestled in the blanket of stars.

Stargazer's cockpit constantly generated a stream of quiet, white noise to shield its occupant from the mind-numbing silence of space. When not communicating with his superiors, Sol would play little games with the artificial intelligence; teaching it new actions and commands without actually getting it to carry them out. He was continually amazed at how fast the Gundam was learning. It was funny how Stargazer always ran at the peak of its efficiency with minimal maintenance. And when Sol was not doing that, he had plenty of time to do nothing but think. Sitting in the very seat that Selene once occupied meant that he often thought of her; and the mysterious Earth Alliance pilot with whom she chose to share her final moments.

Sol never considered it eerie that he would spend an extended amount of time in what was literally the death chamber of his friend. For some reason Stargazer always felt comforting, always secure; and he was relaxed. Maybe it was because he liked to think that Selene and her companion died quietly, of their own free will and without pain or suffering; even if the Natural had sustained chest fractures in Selene's heroic attempt to protect the rest of the DSSD personnel. Sol's scientific mind had dredged up and analysed everything he had personally seen when he discovered the bodies. He recalled the events of that fateful day.

After receiving no reply from Stargazer, he had been the very first one to volunteer to be on the rescue team; which was promptly despatched. He had steeled himself for the worst, expecting to see Selene's mangled and decomposed body. The sight of the astronaut and the enemy soldier curled against each other in gentle repose was one that nobody expected. Sol remembered himself rushing forward, feeling for a pulse on both of them, and his anguish in finding none; even if the life support monitors in the cockpit already registered flat lines. Later investigation would reveal that the soldier, already injured; had died some hours before Selene expired; which in turn occurred less than an hour before their discovery. They had drugged themselves before going into their last slumber however, and both their faces bore expressions of peace. Bringing himself to the present, he felt satisfied in knowing that Stargazer's cockpit would always be a place of tranquility and the Gundam itself was the DSSD's testament to the fruits of harmony and cooperation between all of humanity.

He hadn't always felt this way. For some time after the incident, he felt bitter towards Selene. If she had not brought the soldier into the cockpit with her, there would certainly have been enough air for her to survive. But over time he softened his stance, coming to realise that Selene's kindness was deeper and truer than he had ever imagined. She was equally willing to give her life to save her allies; and also for an enemy she never knew personally. Although Sol would later present a testimony that resulted in a posthumous Civilian Medal of Courage for her, he knew she deserved much more. For the award only recognised bravery in action against the enemy and not the greater courage it took to cease aggression and forgive. As for the soldier…

The DSSD intended to return his body to the Earth Alliance military where hopefully his next-of-kin could reclaim it. But they received a blunt rejection – after all, the body belonged to a member of a 'rogue' extremist faction that they officially could not reveal connections with. In fact it would be months before the incident was ever leaked to the public, where it would become a legend rivalling even the exploits of the great Mwu La Flaga in the eyes of the war-weary populations on Earth and the PLANTs. The DSSD came under public pressure to release more information on Selene's mystery companion. Back then, all they could show were a few miserable fragments of the Verde Buster that accompanied the Strike Noir in the hopes that some information could be reconstructed. But it was impossible to piece together the pilot's identity from the shattered remains of his comrade's unit, and the EAF remained tight-lipped.

Sol was eventually ordered to use Stargazer to retrace Selene's path and reach the abandoned Strike Noir in an ambitious expedition to retrieve its cockpit data. The electronic records were successfully salvaged; and among them was not only Sven's personal record, but also hard evidence that he was one of those responsible for the massacre at the ZAFT refugee camp. The revelation that Sven Cal Bayan was one of many (possibly deliberately) orphaned personnel that had been brainwashed as minors to commit horrific acts of terror and human rights abuse, and whose existence was fervently denied afterward; was not altogether surprising to Sol, but it shook the world. This, along with other dirty little secrets of the EAF, caused a backlash of righteous fury from the civilian public which led to street violence and the ultimate release and rehabilitation of most of the EAF's underaged soldiers, even including Extendeds.

But Sol concerned himself with one thing at a time. First there was the sorrow and grief, but Stargazer's soothing embrace throughout the two-month expedition brought him the comfort and privacy needed for mourning. He even felt for Sven. There were no signs of struggle in the cockpit. Sven had helped to inject Selene and died with his head nestled against her, smiling slightly despite what must have been considerable pain from his injuries. Sol found it hard to believe that despite what must have been a lifetime of harsh indoctrination, the Natural had not actually cared about her in his final moments of consciousness. That had to count for something, and Sol respected him too.

Predictably, Sven had no traceable next-of-kin. It was eventually decided that he be buried with Selene. Selene had always loved space travel and both were eventually interred within an asteroid in the Debris Belt, where they would remain in orbit for at least the foreseeable future. And even if they were finally cremated in the atmosphere, Sol didn't think they would mind. People wished on shooting stars, pinning their hopes and dreams on pieces of burning space-stuff. Even Coordinators on PLANTs could look towards the Earth and watch the glowing trails in the upper atmosphere, wishing and hoping.

Humanity's noblest wish was world peace.

Sol was feeling sleepy. He'd finished what he needed to do for the day with Stargazer, and didn't feel like talking to the obnoxious female intern at mission headquarters who had a crush on him and was currently on duty. He wished that Selene was back by his side; not just out of mournful longing but also to simply have someone to chat with. Stargazer's AI was making great strides, but it wasn't good enough to be a substitute for human companionship. Eventually he nodded off, letting Stargazer's A.I. and the Volture Lumiere do the rest.

But what Sol did not and never truly would know; was that inside the Stargazer he was never alone. For this special Gundam passed not only between realms of humanity and the darkest reaches of space; but also was the first and the only one that had carried both the living and the dead without itself being destroyed. Stargazer had been a part of both grim warfare and the birth of a new future of mankind. _He_ had seen the birth and death of stars and listened to the music of the spheres as they sailed their endless orbits in time. _He_ had seen and experienced the martyrdom of doomed soldiers and a child's wonder at the beauty and vastness of the universe. _He_ had seen death and regret, life and hope; cruelty and mercy, betrayal and compassion; the sum of humanity's avarice and the depths of its self-sacrifice. Stargazer, as a human endeavour, transcended space and time and the petty grievances that prevented humanity from living in harmony with itself and the universe.

Spiritual folk say that such energies can leave an impression on their surroundings. The memory of Selene and Sven would linger for a long time within Stargazer. Some would even say it was haunted. They would remain there for a long time, until the stars faded or the cumulative hopes and dreams of humanity stopped giving them a reason to exist; whichever happened first. For now however, the two slain but intrepid astronomers had not moved on; not when there were still planets to visit and universes to explore. And they could still speak; in silent voices and ghostly whispers that gently guided Stargazer's A.I. program; which Sol would eventually detect and ponder over before finally admitting that there were things that neither he nor the meagre might of humanity could ever understand.

END

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Postscript:

I was inspired to write this after watching the three Stargazer episodes and 'An Inconvenient Truth' almost back to back. Near the start of 'An Inconvenient Truth' (a movie I highly endorse BTW), Al Gore quotes from a speech made by Carl Sagan while showing an image of the Earth as a very tiny dot in a vast galaxy. Carl Sagan was a renowned astronomer and humanist who died in 1996.

His speech, entitled 'Reflections on a Mote of Dust', has an uncanny resemblance to the tone and atmosphere of Gundam Seed: Stargazer. I feel prompted to share it.

"_We succeeded in taking that picture, and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam. _

_The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light._

_Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity--in all this vastness--there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us._

_It's been said that Astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."_

-- Carl Sagan (1934-1996)


End file.
